Transitions....

Life has a funny way of knowing right when you need to be knocked down on your butt. Maybe I got too comfortable with the situation? Maybe I overlooked too many "signs? Maybe I wasn't as loving as I had hoped to be? Maybe I was too much of a nag or, alternately, not supportive enough? Right now, though, all I know is that my life is different than I thought it would be. I'm done wondering, wondering about the what-ifs, etc. I've moved on wholeheartedly from something that did not serve or suit me. This is the hardest transition I've ever been through; harder than moving from CA to WA, harder than moving from IL to CA, harder than coming out, harder than running a marathon..... but at the same time it stands to be the single most rewarding journey I will ever face. The potential for so many things stands bright in front of me. The hopes and dreams I had abandoned for the sake of another, can be recognized and pursued again. Heck, I took up rockclimbing! There is potential for me to meet someone just as driven, committed, and loving as myself. In times like this, it is easier to relinquish power and to just hope that things will again be as they once were. It is like trying to catch feathers flying through the air, the harder you swing your arms, the further you push them away. You think you are trying so much, putting in so much energy, working so hard.... that you should see a reward, but you catch nothing. I've discovered that what I fought for... I didn't really want. It was just comfortable. I guess I'm tired of chasing, hoping, waiting, and wanting. Things were what they were... and now, they are what they are. There's no going back, just forward. These last few months have allowed me to see things in a different light....

With that said, and a great little segway back into running and forward motion.... I had a GREAT run last night. I went to the gym for a couple hours but when I got home I still had this energy brewing, a want to have fun, get outside. So, I did hill repeats and sprints and ran all through Capitol Hill last night. I almost laughed I had so much fun. Each step up a hill was symbolic of the amazing journey I am on, the burn in my muscles reminded me of what I've felt so many times and I knew what was to come - pain today. This pain will fade, and in it's place, I will be stronger. Like my legs, my heart hurts... but it isn't broken. It will heal and be stronger than ever. Cheesy? Yes. True? I hope so. I have the opportunity at this time of my life to focus my attention on the good or the bad.... I choose good.

Out in the woods...

This weekend's run was the pits. I met the team at the Redmond water shed at 7am on Saturday. It turned out that only 3 people showed (at least only 3 that were doing the same training, the same course, for the same event). I started out with someone who was much faster than me, just struggling to keep up. It came to the embarrassing point when she wanted to "start running and stop her warm up" and the point when I came to the realization that I had nearly been sprinting to keep up. I guess it is all relative. Anyhow, I ended up on a 5 mile loop, through the woods....... by myself. As I rounded corners, swatted off bees, and thought of all the bears that had recently been spotted in the area, my heart began to race. I hadn't seen anyone in a long time and I became really nervous - when did this trail end? When would I see someone? Did that arrow point left? It kind of pointed right down the middle - which path should I take? Oops, I don't have my cell phone? What if I got hurt? What to do if I did encounter a bear? I had myself so freaked out that I started sprinting as fast as I could to get OUT of the dense woods. So dense they were that when I emerged - I found that the sky was pouring rain and I had no idea. So, I freaked. I've done tons of hikes, trail runs, etc, but none in such a dense area... by myself. So, I couldn't make myself begin another loop... alone in the woods. I gave up and went to Redhook Brewery where I parked my car and began a very lonely (but public) journey down the Burke-Gilman trail. First, one hour towards Woodinville, then a quick water stop at my car, then an hour journey towards Redmond, and back to my car. I felt really defeated but I didn't let myself give up, even if it meant running/walking for two hours all by myself. I've since read about how to scare away bears, bought a clip for my cell phone so I can attach it to my shorts when I run, and chilled out a little. Sometimes, as such a slow participant, it is really easy to feel alone. Sometimes thoughts can be what motivates us. Sometimes they can be the very thing that defeat us. Taking a step back, I realize that it is all about where we choose to place our focus, our energy, and our fear. Should I have let fear defeat me? No. I've taken from this week a very good lesson. On race day, when it is hot and uncomfortable, and lonely - I will not be defeated. One step at a time....

One of my favorite movie quotes:

"What About Bob?" - "I'm baby steppin'. I'm not a slacker. I'm baby-steppin'."

I love coffee

I've already covered that I am an ABSOLUTELY horrible morning person. Reealllly bad. I need about 2 hours and about 3 cups of coffee to get going in the morning. Or so I thought. I've found that if I do my running in the morning, it cuts down on the "wake up" time and I feel ready to go, ready to greet the world, and... of course..... needing one more cup of coffee before I can actually step out the door. Anyhow, it amazes me that on these Saturday mornings I wake up early to drive 30-50 miles to participate in ....gasp..... exercise! I generally don't drink coffee, don't eat much, just roll out of bed and into my clothes... and I'm off. Nothing much but the radio to keep me company. Lately, I've been rolling down the windows and taking in the sights and smells of the great outdoors. All the flowers are starting to bloom, the grass is so green, and the snow is melting from the tops of Mt Si and Mt Rainier. This alst weekend, we ran at Tiger Mountain. Up and down, up and down, up and up and up.... and I HAD FUN! I'm feeling a little stronger, a little more motivated, and a little amazed. Who ever would have thought I'd be running all around a mountain at 8am on a Saturday morning? I never could have guessed that I would have so much fun challenging myself, not only to get out and run but to challenge my level of "comfort" in the morning. I'm learning that "health" and "wellness" extend to so much more than what you eat, what you do, or how much you sleep. Getting healthy is touching every part of my life. And I've learned that coffee tastes especially good after a cold 14 miles.... especially good.

UPDATE:

Only $200 to go to reach my fundraising goal! Please consider donating! The link is on the right side of my blog page - please check it out. Every little bit counts! I'll have a "Happy Hour Fundraiser" here soon! Let me know if you are interested and I'll put you on the Evite!

Matthew's Beach

Whewwww! Today's run was a ROUGH one! Somehow I made it through! This morning's run was out at Matthew's Beach near the Sandpoint area. I was beat at the starting line - it has been a BUSY week and lots of stuff going on. Last night we watched "I Am Legend' and though it isn't the scariest movie I've ever seen - I had trouble sleeping last night.  Kind of embarrassing. :) Anyhow, I started out walking to ease the ache I've had in my shins. I'm actually icing as I write this blog. So, back to the run, it was long. It kept going and going. It was an out-and-back run but didn't include the entire mileage - just five miles out and five back - then you had to go past the finish line and 1.5 miles uphill and back to make 13 miles. Did I mention it was long? I was nearly sprinting on the way back down, just to be done! Kit, our honored teammate, came to meet us at the finish and it was the icing on the cake. She is always so fun and cheerful and such an inspiration. Thanks, Kit! So, the rest of the day has been good but I've been hobbling a little bit (hence, the ice). Really, I never would have believed it if I didn't actually see myself do this - I never would have thought I was capable. 

Jim told me a few weeks ago:

You are stronger than you think you are.

You can do more than you think you can.

How amazing and true.

Best Previous Half Marathon Time (13.1 miles) : 3:21:57 (Boise Half October 2007)

Todays Run (13.0 miles) : 2:50:25

HOLY COW!!!!!!

So much to say, so much to say....

Gosh, where to start.....

Some things that have happened recently:

Missed my Saturday long run at Lake Youngs two weeks ago because I slept in too late. I pressed snooze on my phone alarm and somehow my phone "froze" i woke up nearly 2 hours after pressing snooze and it still read 6:40am. I made up the miles hiking with my friend Meri and her dogs in Snoqualmie and then hitting the Preston-Snoqualmie

trails and logging a few miles.

I've been super busy lately! We are house hunting and planning for an October wedding! More info to come! Sheeshhh....busy!

This past weekend was awesome and... painful. We did 12 miles at Redhook brewery in Woodinville, WA and it was strangely warm. I remember thinking it was pretty warm on the trail, but thought it equated to me being let's say... not in the best of shape. However, watching the news the night, I confirmed that the temp got up over 80 degrees!

I have to say thanks to my coach, Jim, who is amazing. I have never had such amazing and personalized attention and training from someone who seems to sincerely care so much. It really makes me want to push myself, get out there more, and set more personal records. This weekend, I shaved nearly 20 minutes off of my time for the course! So exciting!

Some good news - some bad news. I got some info from Bonnie Brooks - director over at LLS. She says the race director for the Seafair Marathon decided not to "support" run-walkers or walkers for the full-marathon. He plans to close the race after 6 hours. Bad news - most of the walkers in the program will fini

sh around 7:30am, sans water stations, cheering crowds, encouragement, etc. The good news - LLS and Bonni plan to create support for walkers and run-walkers by sending volunteers on the course, a group of participants and mentors to run along with us, etc. Even better news - I was thinking I was part of the group that would finish after 6 hours... but this weekend's run tells me that I might be closer than I thought... maybe there's a chance I'll finish before 6 hours? I'm hopeful, motivated, and determined. I can't wait.

Thanks everyone for your amazing support, for reading my blog, and for your emails and encouragement - they all mean so much!

As John Bingham says, "Waddle on, friends".

-Stacey

My hiking buddy!

Schmoo and I (my friend's dog) had a great time at Deception Pass a few weeks ago! My friends brought me camping for the very FIRST TIME!!!! I think I'm hooked. We've already purchased a tent and we are all ready for the next time. Know of a great place with fun trails to run?

You can see how fast we were going, because no matter how I tried, I couldn't get a picture that wasn't a "motion" shot. :) I had a blast and a really fun workout. This trail was about 40 feet above a beautiful beach.

Just some chalk...

I forgot to write that the team did something really special on Saturday. I never would have thought it would have the impact that it did... but it meant a lot. The team leaders, captains, mentors, and coaches all wrote names of patients currently fighting and patients who have lost their fight with cancer. From loved ones to friends to coworkers, the names were written in chalk, extending a quarter mile down the Burke-Gilman trail. The names where there as we started and ended our run. I recognized a majority of the names, I pictured their faces, remembered their stories. I don't have much else to say except for that it was very touching and it made things seem even more "real". It made me that much more grateful to be out there and even happier to be raising money for such a great cause.

Thanks for reading.

-One humble runner