Late Summer/Autumn Collage - FUN TIMES!!!!!!

Taking care of business.....

Wheewwwwww! I'm back to school! I'm finally taking the steps I need to make my M.A./A.B.S. possible!!!! Statistics, Creative Writing, and Spanish are the classes I am currently taking so that I can move into the L.I.O.S. program now affiliated with Saybrook University in San Francisco. Classes are taught in Seattle in weekend modules and the degree program takes about 2 years. I'm finally getting somewhere... though some days feel I'm just keeping my head abover water by treading... and others I feel like maybe I'm making some forward motion.

Thanks to all of you who have offered your support, well-wishes, and love. You know who you are. It makes all the difference in the world.

-Stace

Ps. The Leavenworth Half Marathon this weekend was a BLAST!

Lifestyles.... of the simple and healthy....

I'll take being simple over being famous and being healthy over being rich. I'm working on both... though I wouldn't mind winning the lottery... :)

I've been riding my new bike to work every day.... I guess it is somewhere between 2-3 miles per day. I LOVE my bike. Who ever knew that riding could be SO MUCH FUN? I've also been running 30 minutes per day on my lunch break. On top of drinking water, eating right, and having my thyroid medications on the right levels.... I've been taking some time to just "be" and I think it is having a great impact on my life. I am having FUN. I've always been the kind of person that has to have a goal at every moment... and I've let that fall to the wayside. I have some long term goals, but nothing to "cling" to or have crazy attachment about. I figure it will all happen as it should... Is it weird that letting go of control has made me feel much more relaxed than hanging onto it ever did? I always thought that to struggle to have control over a situation or event would let me feel safer, more satisfied, or calmer..... all it did was make me a nervous wreck. Someone made a comment the other day about how laid back I seem.... for someone like me, that was the biggest, most beautiful compliment in the world..... :) I feel like I've conquered something great.... I've returned to school.

Cheers to having fun, pushing our bodies, strengthening our minds, and being silly.... always.

Conditional Statements....

Otherwise known as "conditionals"..... we all make them. "If" I lose weight, "then" I will be happy. "If" I make more money, "then" things will be better. The "if" and "then" are qualifiers of what you feel "needs" to happen in order for something to "be" or "take place"... a statement of result.

Now, Oprah calls moments of clarity "ah-ha" moments.... times in life when you "figure something out". I had a moment like this in the shower today... and maybe I'll just call it a "duh moment". It is kind of commonsensical... but apparently I hadn't caught on until this morning. For so long in my life I've been tied up in the "if ....then" continuum. It occurred to me this morning that if you remove the "if ....then"..... you are just grateful for what you have when you have it. Why do people always try to qualify and quantify things, when reveling in the present is so much more rewarding and amazing? Instead of thinking things like .... "If" I lose weight, "then" I will be ..... more attractive, happier, healthier, yadda yadda..... why don't I focus on the present moment and BEING these things.... not planning the "if" and "when" of them? "If" I run a 10 minute miles, "then" I can consider myself a runner. How ridiculous. When I run, I am a runner. When you play sports, you are an athlete. When I DO, I AM.

I'm not saying that I don't want to have general goals for life or a plan, but maybe I've been holding on too tight to what things "should" look like . A friend once told me that the word "should" implies expectations... and expectations are just pre-meditated resentment. So, why am I setting myself up to fail, feel guilty, etc. Why anyone would ever choose to live that way.. and why I did for so long, I'm not sure.

So, I'm done, I'm off my soapbox. I just wanted to add my two cents and express what my process and progress is in this life... what makes sense to me. I'm real and honest and just trying to do the best I can. Working with so many people that have lost this chance and have lost their dreams.... it has really made an impact on me. No one ever can know what tomorrow will bring, not with all the planning in the world.... we are all just on a journey and the "goal" might just be to enjoy the moments..... not the destination....

"Life is what happens when we are busy making other plans....." -John Lennon

Super Jock n Jill Half Marathon

I still can't believe it. After the HORRID time at SeaFair marathon on June 29th, I was pretty bitter about running/walking in general. I thought there wasn't a chance I'd get through the Super Jock n Jill half with any hope of finishing under 3 hours. SeaFair was incredibly hot, sticky, sickly, and horrible. That was by far, my worst race in 3:40. I felt like I crawled the whole thing and could barely walk... forget about running. So, I trained through the last two months, tried to stay positive, and worked on my "fitness". It paid off. I finished the Super Jock n Jill half marathon on September 1st in 2:41. I thought my watch was broken. I thought I missed part of the trail. I thought something had gone wrong...

Why do I have so much trouble giving myself credit for anything? I'm working on it... one step at a time.

Pigs CAN fly!!!!

It was kind of a funny thing that happened to me one day at the park. I noticed it because people were... well... kind of staring at me. I picked up a bit of inspiration from friends doing the Danskin Triathlon this last Sunday.... so I was fully of energy when I arrived at Green Lake... and the rest was history. I started out the 3 miler feeling a little tired after a day at work... and feeling a little sick from my snack of crackers and cheese (note to self: no more crackers and cheese before running). I got myself to the "track" around Green Lake, set up my watch, and took off. I was sluggish and felt like molasses in January. I started thinking about what an amazing event had taken place the day before and I really dug down deep. I put my most upbeat songs on my ipod. I started to pick it up a notch. Then I picked it up again. I began thinking "I can't remember the last time I ran this fast!". Then, I started to notice people looking. Might have been my cherry red face or my hard breathing that caught their attention.... I wanted to say, "Yes, this fat girl can run".... but wanted to conserve my oxygen. The biggest suprises of the day were my ability to kick up AGAIN when I saw my "finish line".... and that when I finally checked my watch, I had run the 3.1 miles in 31:53!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A miracle happened on Monday... pigs flew and fat girls ran. Maybe I am getting to be a runner.....

Next race: September 1 - Super Jock n Jill Half Marathon
October 4 - Leavenworth Half Marathon

Transitions....

Life has a funny way of knowing right when you need to be knocked down on your butt. Maybe I got too comfortable with the situation? Maybe I overlooked too many "signs? Maybe I wasn't as loving as I had hoped to be? Maybe I was too much of a nag or, alternately, not supportive enough? Right now, though, all I know is that my life is different than I thought it would be. I'm done wondering, wondering about the what-ifs, etc. I've moved on wholeheartedly from something that did not serve or suit me. This is the hardest transition I've ever been through; harder than moving from CA to WA, harder than moving from IL to CA, harder than coming out, harder than running a marathon..... but at the same time it stands to be the single most rewarding journey I will ever face. The potential for so many things stands bright in front of me. The hopes and dreams I had abandoned for the sake of another, can be recognized and pursued again. Heck, I took up rockclimbing! There is potential for me to meet someone just as driven, committed, and loving as myself. In times like this, it is easier to relinquish power and to just hope that things will again be as they once were. It is like trying to catch feathers flying through the air, the harder you swing your arms, the further you push them away. You think you are trying so much, putting in so much energy, working so hard.... that you should see a reward, but you catch nothing. I've discovered that what I fought for... I didn't really want. It was just comfortable. I guess I'm tired of chasing, hoping, waiting, and wanting. Things were what they were... and now, they are what they are. There's no going back, just forward. These last few months have allowed me to see things in a different light....

With that said, and a great little segway back into running and forward motion.... I had a GREAT run last night. I went to the gym for a couple hours but when I got home I still had this energy brewing, a want to have fun, get outside. So, I did hill repeats and sprints and ran all through Capitol Hill last night. I almost laughed I had so much fun. Each step up a hill was symbolic of the amazing journey I am on, the burn in my muscles reminded me of what I've felt so many times and I knew what was to come - pain today. This pain will fade, and in it's place, I will be stronger. Like my legs, my heart hurts... but it isn't broken. It will heal and be stronger than ever. Cheesy? Yes. True? I hope so. I have the opportunity at this time of my life to focus my attention on the good or the bad.... I choose good.