Transitions....

Life has a funny way of knowing right when you need to be knocked down on your butt. Maybe I got too comfortable with the situation? Maybe I overlooked too many "signs? Maybe I wasn't as loving as I had hoped to be? Maybe I was too much of a nag or, alternately, not supportive enough? Right now, though, all I know is that my life is different than I thought it would be. I'm done wondering, wondering about the what-ifs, etc. I've moved on wholeheartedly from something that did not serve or suit me. This is the hardest transition I've ever been through; harder than moving from CA to WA, harder than moving from IL to CA, harder than coming out, harder than running a marathon..... but at the same time it stands to be the single most rewarding journey I will ever face. The potential for so many things stands bright in front of me. The hopes and dreams I had abandoned for the sake of another, can be recognized and pursued again. Heck, I took up rockclimbing! There is potential for me to meet someone just as driven, committed, and loving as myself. In times like this, it is easier to relinquish power and to just hope that things will again be as they once were. It is like trying to catch feathers flying through the air, the harder you swing your arms, the further you push them away. You think you are trying so much, putting in so much energy, working so hard.... that you should see a reward, but you catch nothing. I've discovered that what I fought for... I didn't really want. It was just comfortable. I guess I'm tired of chasing, hoping, waiting, and wanting. Things were what they were... and now, they are what they are. There's no going back, just forward. These last few months have allowed me to see things in a different light....

With that said, and a great little segway back into running and forward motion.... I had a GREAT run last night. I went to the gym for a couple hours but when I got home I still had this energy brewing, a want to have fun, get outside. So, I did hill repeats and sprints and ran all through Capitol Hill last night. I almost laughed I had so much fun. Each step up a hill was symbolic of the amazing journey I am on, the burn in my muscles reminded me of what I've felt so many times and I knew what was to come - pain today. This pain will fade, and in it's place, I will be stronger. Like my legs, my heart hurts... but it isn't broken. It will heal and be stronger than ever. Cheesy? Yes. True? I hope so. I have the opportunity at this time of my life to focus my attention on the good or the bad.... I choose good.